This morning I’m being interviewed for a podcast on shame and it’s got me thinking about a topic I talk about regularly - how shame impacts your business.
I talk to a lot of business owners who share their daily struggles with me and something that I hear ALL THE TIME is how bad it is for them to be doing a thing, thinking a thing, considering a thing.
I know I shouldn’t be worrying about my prices, but I’m all in a swirl about telling someone the cost of my program.
I know that I should be staying on top of my bookkeeping but I’m months behind again.
I know I should make a monthly/weekly/plan but I suck and I just wing it every single day.
I know it would be a good idea for me to figure out all the details of this project but I just keep avoiding it and I’m so angry at myself.
All of these statements are about the person saying them being WRONG/BAD.
If I could just stop being terrible then things would be better. And that’s shame.
Shame is a heavy mental load to carry and can be exhausting. So now, on top of feeling frustrated, discouraged, anxious, or grouchy about the thing that’s difficult, we feel this extra internal load that can be paralysing.
I know that letting go of shame is not as simple as realizing what it’s doing to you, but I want to offer you a few thoughts and tips to consider.
Everyone experiences a lot of this stuff.
You are not alone in feeling any of the things you feel. So, next time you think “everyone else can do this just fine, why can’t I?!” I hope that my voice will creep into your mind and remind you that that simply isn’t true. All of the feelings are being experienced by others all of the time - it’s a human experience and you are no worse than anyone else for feeling it.
Acceptance can help.
If you KNOW that you’re going to feel anxious, frustrated, overwhelmed, etc. and accept it as part of the process, it can be easier to feel less shame as you’re travelling through it. I know that I’m going to be a bear to deal with whenever I’m doing something that’s pushing me out of my comfort zone. I’ve learned to warn people to accept it and recognize it when it’s happening. “Oh! I’m at the part where I’m really anxious and uncomfortable and MAD at past Lara for thinking this was a good idea. It’s best to not ask me how I’m doing or tell me I’m going to do great because I’m not in a great headspace. I’ll be fine on the other side.”
If you know you’re going to get stressed or overwhelmed when doing certain things in your business, what can you do to prepare yourself and accept that it’s going to happen and feel less guilty and shameful about it?
Ask for help/ Look for hacks.
You may have a hard time believing this but you don’t need to be perfect at everything. You are amazing at so many things and there are going to be things that aren’t your zone of genius. That’s ok! This is where you can look for shortcuts, hacks, or ask for help, and it doesn’t mean you need to feel bad about yourself for not doing that thing the way you thought it SHOULD be done.
I run accountability sessions as part of the Biz Accelerator program because not only do I know my clients get more done when we do things together - so do I. Did I used to feel silly for being able to do more just because other people were with me on Zoom doing it? For sure. Have I realized that it’s actually very clever of me to have figured out something that works instead of feeling badly about not doing it well alone? Also yes.
When you figure out the ways to work around the overwhelm, the distraction, the avoidance and the guilt, you’re doing a GOOD thing, not being lesser for doing it differently.
Shame is exhausting.
Letting go of shame is liberating.
It’s a journey but one step at a time you can let go of the shame, embrace yourself and the ways you do things, and find ways to support yourself when needed.
If you can beat yourself up just a little bit less this week after reading this, that will be an incredible win and one that I wish for you.
