Is shame dragging you down?

This morning I’m being interviewed for a podcast on shame and it’s got me thinking about a topic I talk about regularly - how shame impacts your business.

I talk to a lot of business owners who share their daily struggles with me and something that I hear ALL THE TIME is how bad it is for them to be doing a thing, thinking a thing, considering a thing.

I know I shouldn’t be worrying about my prices, but I’m all in a swirl about telling someone the cost of my program.

I know that I should be staying on top of my bookkeeping but I’m months behind again.

I know I should make a monthly/weekly/plan but I suck and I just wing it every single day.

I know it would be a good idea for me to figure out all the details of this project but I just keep avoiding it and I’m so angry at myself.

All of these statements are about the person saying them being WRONG/BAD.

If I could just stop being terrible then things would be better. And that’s shame.

Shame is a heavy mental load to carry and can be exhausting. So now, on top of feeling frustrated, discouraged, anxious, or grouchy about the thing that’s difficult, we feel this extra internal load that can be paralysing.

I know that letting go of shame is not as simple as realizing what it’s doing to you, but I want to offer you a few thoughts and tips to consider.

Everyone experiences a lot of this stuff.

You are not alone in feeling any of the things you feel. So, next time you think “everyone else can do this just fine, why can’t I?!” I hope that my voice will creep into your mind and remind you that that simply isn’t true. All of the feelings are being experienced by others all of the time - it’s a human experience and you are no worse than anyone else for feeling it.

Acceptance can help.

If you KNOW that you’re going to feel anxious, frustrated, overwhelmed, etc. and accept it as part of the process, it can be easier to feel less shame as you’re travelling through it. I know that I’m going to be a bear to deal with whenever I’m doing something that’s pushing me out of my comfort zone. I’ve learned to warn people to accept it and recognize it when it’s happening. “Oh! I’m at the part where I’m really anxious and uncomfortable and MAD at past Lara for thinking this was a good idea. It’s best to not ask me how I’m doing or tell me I’m going to do great because I’m not in a great headspace. I’ll be fine on the other side.”

If you know you’re going to get stressed or overwhelmed when doing certain things in your business, what can you do to prepare yourself and accept that it’s going to happen and feel less guilty and shameful about it?

Ask for help/ Look for hacks.

You may have a hard time believing this but you don’t need to be perfect at everything. You are amazing at so many things and there are going to be things that aren’t your zone of genius. That’s ok! This is where you can look for shortcuts, hacks, or ask for help, and it doesn’t mean you need to feel bad about yourself for not doing that thing the way you thought it SHOULD be done.

I run accountability sessions as part of the Biz Accelerator program because not only do I know my clients get more done when we do things together - so do I. Did I used to feel silly for being able to do more just because other people were with me on Zoom doing it? For sure. Have I realized that it’s actually very clever of me to have figured out something that works instead of feeling badly about not doing it well alone? Also yes.

When you figure out the ways to work around the overwhelm, the distraction, the avoidance and the guilt, you’re doing a GOOD thing, not being lesser for doing it differently.

Shame is exhausting.

Letting go of shame is liberating.

It’s a journey but one step at a time you can let go of the shame, embrace yourself and the ways you do things, and find ways to support yourself when needed.

If you can beat yourself up just a little bit less this week after reading this, that will be an incredible win and one that I wish for you.

Is it time to re-imagine your business?

Re-imagine is a word I’ve been using a lot lately. It’s a word I want people to embrace when they start to see that what they’re doing isn’t getting them the results they want.

Have they reached a ceiling for how much they can make given the amount of time they have available or the resources they have in place?

Or… given our recent events of a global pandemic, are they no longer able to serve their clients in the same way, either because clients are afraid to spend money or because they can no longer offer their services in-person?

These are two different ways that mean it’s time to re-imagine how business is being done in order to thrive and grow beyond the current situation.

The thing with re-imagining is that it can apply to so many different areas of a business.

Re-imagine what it means to be a business owner. 

Are you the kind of business owner who can make a million dollars? What if you imagined you were?

Are you the kind of business owner who can always provide value to your clients? What if you reminded yourself daily just how much value you bring to anyone who buys anything from you?

Re-imagine how you can serve your clients. 

Has it always felt like you had to be in-person to provide value? What if that wasn’t true?

Has anything that isn’t one-on-one felt like it couldn’t work? What if you COULD provide value in a group situation? What would that look like?

Is it time to figure out what CAN work?

Re-imagine what the end goal is. 

If you are stuck on the idea that what you’re selling always has to have the same outcome and that’s the only way you’ve done a good job, you might be cutting yourself off from new ways of making money. If you imagine that working with you is a 10 step process and your clients are starting at 0... is there NO value in them getting help to get to step three? If there IS value in them getting to step three, can you get them there without having to work with them the way you’re working with them now?

We’re trying to find entirely new ways of doing things in your business here so it’s important to remember when you’re re-imagining how you’re doing business that you’re not trying to take something and make it different while being exactly the same.

That might sound obvious when I state it that way, but that’s what I see people doing all the time. They think of their current service and they can’t fathom how to do it in a different way because they want it to be exactly the same (and exactly the same means nothing changes!).

Instead, you have to believe that you can provide value in a different way and what you’re providing is something people want, even if it’s not the deluxe VIP package. Here’s an example:

Jane is a health provider who works with clients not only one-on-one but HANDS on. How can she re-imagine her business?

If she believes that the only way to help a person is to have her hands on them, then she will never be able to move to a service that means she can help more than one person at a time or help people virtually.

But if she is willing to stop thinking about how she’s been doing things until now and tries to start over with ways that she can be helpful to people and provide value WITHOUT touching them, then she is re-imagining things.

• She can help people at a distance via video conferencing by watching how they move and talking them through stretches and exercises to get their body moving better. This is not as good as seeing someone in person, but it is better than nothing when someone can’t get to see someone in person, and it’s faster and takes less time than going to a clinic and having to drive there.

• She can teach people how to listen to their bodies and move their bodies

• She can teach other professionals what she does that is effective so that they can do that as well. She can do this in-person or virtually, again remembering that in person might be more effective but distance means that people don’t have to travel from other cities or countries to also be able to benefit and that means more people could learn from her, which is better than them never getting to learn from her.

Here is another example:

Sara was teaching in-person fitness classes. People bought passes that got them access to a set number of classes. When she wanted to bring her classes online she struggled with pricing and how people would perceive the value.

But there were different considerations for online and so she had to look at it differently. She didn’t have to rent space for online, which meant her expenses were lower and she also didn’t have the same cap on number of attendees that could take part. 

So instead of charging based on number of classes, she was able to pick a price and offer them unlimited access to many classes as well as the recordings. She could give them a lot more without it being more work for her.

This was true for me as well! When I was first coaching I strongly believed that the only way that I could truly be of service was to personally know everyone and to have one on one sessions with them. 

While this is the fastest way for me to go deep and really support clients, it’s not the only way I can support small business owners. I can teach them via video and online courses. I can coach them in group coaching programs. I can train other people to coach the way that I coach and they can do the one on one work. 

If I stayed stuck believing that the only way I could help was for ME to do all the work in a one-on-one way that would mean I have a really low ceiling of how many business owners I could help. It also means that anyone who can’t invest $10,000+ with me is out of luck.

By flipping how I thought about all of this, by realizing that *I* am not so important that my business needs to have me doing everything all of the time, I was able to start seeing how I could grow and expand and be of service without limiting the growth potential of my business.

How can you re-imagine your business?

It Scared Me - A Story of Growth and Discomfort

Today I want to tell you a story.

15 year old me was afraid of her own shadow - the idea of public speaking terrified her. To be honest, 25 year old me felt that way too. And then I got a job that was really cool (events coordinator in the ByWard Market - a super vibrant part of my city) that came with the unfortunate requirement of having to promote events on TV. I was shoved WAY out of my comfort zone.

Every single time I had to go on TV, I felt like I was going to puke. Or pass out. Or just look terrible because I was dripping in sweat. Or all of those at the same time. I was going to look and sound terrible and then never be able to outlive the shame of it all! I refused to ever watch any of the TV spots after I’d done them.

Magically, however, being on TV started getting easier and easier until I noticed a couple of years ago, when I went on TV for something else, I had ZERO anxiety left about going on local TV to talk about stuff.

Since then, I have continued that pattern of panic, feeling like puking, doing it anyhow, feeling a bit more empowered on the other side, and I’ve come to recognize that not only can I handle it, but I now purposely create opportunities to go through things like this on a regular basis.

Last year, I signed up to take a stand-up comedy class.

Why? I think I’m funny and wanted to see if I could make people laugh if I did it on purpose. 😊

Every class I tried to come up with a valid reason to get out of going. Every time I worked on my jokes I was sure nobody would like them. On the day of the show, I was a MESS. I was SO angry at myself for having agreed to do something that was undoubtedly going to be embarrassing. I was dripping in sweat as I waited for my turn to go on stage and I remember talking to people but have no recollection of anything I said because I was in such a swirl of anxiety.

And then I performed. And people laughed. I kept my set short (four minutes compared to my colleagues who had the lights flashed after the 7-minute mark). I got off the stage and had a huge rush of adrenaline and excitement. People asked me when I would perform again, and I said “never, I’m done, but I am so glad I did this.” I still feel that way, though I now know I could do it again with so much less fear.

The growth and expansion that comes from trying new things and being okay afterwards (even if I wasn’t good at them) has been instrumental in helping me grow my business to new levels and to normalize the feelings of discomfort that come with growth.

The next time you introduce a new product or increase your pricing and feel like throwing up or break out in a sweat - it’s not because it’s wrong, it’s because you’re travelling through the discomfort of growth. That means that seeking out discomfort like that from time to time means you’re on the right path (you also want to sit in comfortable some of the time too).

I had to push myself to rewatch the set from last year, terrified I would be embarrassed by myself. I think it’s still pretty okay so I am sharing it with you today. And I’d love for you to reply and let me know what you thought, and what you’ve done recently that scared you. I promise to read and reply to every one of you. 😊

https://vimeo.com/478516463/807adaa823

3 business lessons from my trip to Antelope Canyon

This winter I visited Antelope Canyon, Arizona. I’d never even heard of it before we were brought there as part of a tour of the Grand Canyon, but now everyone needs to know about it.

It is one of the most beautiful places I’ve ever seen. My husband, Eric, and I went into this underground cave that you can only visit if you take one of the tours run by the Navajo as it is part of a Navaho Tribal Park.

But that’s not really what this story is about… even though I would love to show you the hundreds of photos that I took there. :)

As we were driving out of the dirt parking lot in our little tour van, one of the van wheels slid into a sandier patch and started to sink. Our tour guide clearly hadn’t driven in anything that you might get stuck in before and so gunned the gas pedal, which spun the wheel and sunk us in further. We were stuck.

Having grown up in Canada, I’ve gotten stuck before – not in sand but in snow – so I knew that things needed to be done slowly and knew what to do to try and get out of the situation.

“Maybe try to rock it?” I suggested.

He nodded and got out of the van and started walking across the parking lot.

Confused, I watched him go and as he leaned down to pick up a few small bowling ball sized rocks I realized that a language barrier (his first language wasn’t English) and a lack of context, had him completely misinterpreting what I meant when I said he should "rock it."

Lesson one: Don’t assume people have the same information and context you do when you’re trying to guide them. Be as clear as possible and make sure they really understand what you mean.

Soon everyone in the van was out and a couple driving an RV stopped and started pulling out supplies and, together as a team, people tried to figure out what to do.

Lesson two: People like and want to help. Don’t assume that you’re being a bother when you need more people to get something done.

The problem was, there were now too many cooks in the kitchen, and nobody really acting as a leader, nobody really running the show. Then we heard someone yelling and I saw an older lady, clearly an elder from the Navaho Tribe, walking over as briskly as she could, with a clear purpose in her eyes, and she brought some of the other women of the tribe with her.

She tells everyone to stop, gets one of the tour guides in the van and tells her what she should do to get the van moving properly, and then tells everyone else to just push the van as hard as possible. Within two minutes the van was out of the sand.

Lesson three: Sometimes we just need to go to the voice of experience and let someone be the clear leader so things get done and move forward.

Soon we were in the van heading back to Las Vegas, and I couldn’t help but think my last experience in the Grand Canyon was a great lesson that I needed to really take note of (and share with you!).

Here’s what I hope you takeaway from this:

·      Definitely add Antelope Canyon to your “bucket list.”
·      Always make sure you’re being clear and people understand what you actually mean when you’re helping them.
·      Know that people want to help you, don’t try to do everything alone (if you’re not in the Biz Studio Community - join us! There are LOTS of people there who want to help)!·      Sometimes you need help from a confident leader with experience.

Systems 101 for your business

As a business owners, there are certain buzz words you hear over-and-over again, in any industry or on any topic. You hear them so many times you start to think, “I’d better get on that," but then you think... "I don't know what or how to do it?"

When it comes to owning a business, one of those buzz words is 'systems' for your business.

And you think to yourself... "Great. Systems. Ok… I guess I’ll figure that out… later."

I want to share a bit more about what systems are and what they can mean for your business – because systems do not need to be complicated and having them can mean creating consistency in your business. Consistency means less headaches for you, more brand recognition and a great reputation.

SO… what is a system anyways?

It’s pretty simple, a system is when you write down how something in your business should be done – step-by-step.

That’s it.

Think of it as a way to have someone else be able to do what you do in your business should you have to walk away.

“Lara, I’m not going to walk away from my business and if I do, the business isn’t going to exist any more! I don’t exactly have time to write down all the things I already know how to do just so I can do them myself.”

And therein lies the problem with systems – that’s how most of us feel about them and what stops us from getting them down on paper. We don’t see any kind of pressing need and so it gets put off and put off... and put off.

The thing is, until you get them down it can be really hard to grow your business and on top of that, no matter how well we know our own business, we forget steps too, especially when we get really busy. 

Examples of Systems

A system can be as simple as a bulleted list of actions and steps you take in your business. It can also include instructions, templates of content for different things, and more. It’s basically whatever you think you need to run your business efficiently, which means that it’s hard to explain and possibly vague for you to grasp what you could do. So, let’s go through a few examples:

Sales

The beautiful packaging at Jolie Folie

You probably have a process for your sales.

If you sell a product, this includes creating a receipt, putting the product into a bag, box or envelope (possibly in a very specific way), and maybe writing a nice note to include in the package. That’s a system – if you wanted someone else to deliver your product to a customer exactly the way you would so that it always has a consistent look and feel to it, you've already got a simple system, you just need to write it down.

Onboarding

When you have a new client, what needs to happen? How do you want to welcome them? Right now, are you being as consistent as you want to be and are all the steps happening every time?

There are all kinds of things you could include in a system for a new client:

Do you want to send them a note or a gift?
Do you need to create a paper folder and a digital folder?
Do contracts and non-disclosure agreements need to be signed?
Do they need to be added to any email lists or Facebook Groups or membership sites?

What are all the pieces that need to take place to make sure that your new client has an amazing experience? List them in a document, and you've got your onboarding system.

Invoicing

When you invoice someone, do you always include the same information? Do you have a process if they paid by email money transfer that’s different than if they pay by cheque or by Paypal or credit card? If there are multiple payments do you have to manually input anything?

If you need to track any hours for your invoices, how do you track those, where do you track those, what information do you need to extract for the invoice?

Invoicing is a task that often gets outsourced sooner than later, if you have your process written down, you'll be able to share that with someone else so they can take invoicing off your plate and you'll feel confident they can do it the same way you would.

For all three of these examples, putting every step down for something that you do on a regular basis will help make sure that you maintain regular quality and that you can pull people in to help support you when you’re ready.

How will you start creating systems in your business? Where will you start and what are you going to get on paper first?
 

ACTION STEPS:

1.     Read/listen to the E-myth Revisited.

2.     Make a list of all the things you do regularly. Then, pick the thing you most often miss steps on or that you are most likely to outsource and outline it step-by-step in a Word document.

3.     Leave a comment and let me know what system you’re going to be working on so I can cheer you on!

4.     Check out the Biz Advantage and get feedback on your systems during the weekly coaching calls or in the Facebook Group!