The theme of this podcast season is rules and beliefs and things that we need to break down because they're holding us back in our businesses and in our lives. One of these beliefs is the idea that people think they're not supposed to be too vulnerable. They're supposed to be a certain way, they're supposed to be strong or perfect. And because of this, we’re all trying to live up to this perfection all the time and that can hold us back from actually connecting with our people.
Master storyteller, Marsha Shandur from Yes Yes Marsha, joins me on the podcast to discuss the art of storytelling and how it can help business owners connect with their audience. Marsha writes about storytelling, about how to tell compelling stories, and how to tell your own personal stories in a compelling way. She coaches speakers and entrepreneurs on how to tell their stories online and on stage. She also coaches them on how to write sales pages that don't make them want to cry or throw up. In essence, Marsha helps people tell stories that let people actually connect with them and get to know them and they're just powerfully real.
We connect to really powerful stories as well as very small stories because if you say, “I ran away from the bear and I narrowly escaped being killed by the KGB,” then people will be gripped, but they won't necessarily be able to relate to that. Whereas if you say, “I've worked at Coke for seven years and I hate my job, so I quit and did this other thing,” then people would think, “that sounds like where I am right now. And it sounds like you are where I want to be.” So, even in big stories such as the bear fleeing story Marsha is able to find the small moments because that's how people can connect to those stories so well.
We all have moments people can relate to.
Your story doesn’t have to have a moral, it just needs to excite the brain in a completely different way. When you tell a story in that kind of granular detail level as opposed to, “this happened, then this happened” you are better able to connect with people. Always ask, how did you feel? Because that's how we can connect to any story. For example, you may have never narrowly avoided death from the KGB, but you do know what it feels like to be frightened. And so, if you describe your fear to me, then I can connect to you.
When you tell a story where you show vulnerability, you create a connection. It’s when you tell a story where you ask the question, how did you feel? And the answer is anything other than fantastic. When you share fear or any emotion then anybody reading or listening to that story is going to think, “Oh gosh, you are not a perfect human either. And so maybe it's okay if I'm not a perfect human.” And that creates a total sense of relief…and connection.
Make your audience feel safe
We need to be vulnerable and your audience needs to feel safe. This means that if you are going through something, you have to have emotional distance. You have to have emotional distance from whatever you're talking about. Otherwise, your audience is going to think you’re on the verge of a nervous breakdown. That can be scary. You want to be able to talk about stuff that you are now okay with. You need to be comfortable and safe in your stories so your audience can be too.
Instagram is a great example of this because some people have Instagram accounts that are beautifully curated. We often follow these accounts because our eyes like to lay on beautiful things. But, if you want to emotionally connect with people, you need to show a little bit of imperfection otherwise it's just too intimidating.
An example of this would be Marie Forleo and her BSchool program. She’s so funny and smart, and always well-poised, but in recent years watching her YouTube feed, she started having these unplugged videos where she has a little GoPro and she's filming just her and her friends messing around. It’s a side of the otherwise polished Marie that her audience had never seen before. People related to that!
Be human
The more human you are, the more people are going to want to connect with you. It's great to present yourself professionally some of the time but it’s also okay to be the opposite sometimes too. Just remember that no one can connect to you if you are constantly a disaster, but let people in partway. Let people know, “You know what? Sometimes I screw up too. Sometimes my hair is not done.” Make sure that you're finding those moments of connection because they happen constantly. We just need to believe that people are interested. Your little stories are really powerful for making connections.
Marsha has had people say this won’t work in a corporate setting. But, it does. You can't walk into a presentation and say, “So, there I was, standing on the edge of the cliff looking down, not sure what was going to happen” because everyone's going to wonder, where is this going? You have to say, “Today we're going to talk about XYZ and I'm going to show you how to get to ABC. But first a quick story.” People will connect with it.
Human beings are interested in stories. That's how we have passed down information for generations – before we had books, let alone the internet.
Brace imperfection
Just remember not everything has to be polished. There's room to be yourself and to let some vulnerability out.
If you do have polished stuff, mix up a little bit. Marsha recently wrote a blog post called How (and Why) to Brag Online Without Sounding Like a Jerk — 6 Ideas. One of the ideas she mentions in that post is that you can be self-deprecating. For example, sometimes she might post a very glamorous photo of herself, but then say something stupid that happened behind the scenes that's a bit embarrassing. The photo and story should make people laugh or be relatable. You can sneak a brag in – and you can be glamorous and be human at the same time.
Keep it small
Think about small stories and small moments; stories about us knowing what happened to you, stories or about your lens on the world. It can be a story about when you went and got into your car this morning. It can be a story about when you went and bought coffee and the thought process you had before the person started talking, and how that can change the course of your morning, or even a story smaller than that.
People love it when they can relate to the fact that other people think the way they think when they're at home thinking they're the only one who thinks that way.
It’s about finding your people. If you think something is silly, and someone else also thinks that something is silly – then you are each other's people. Some people may not think like that. And that’s okay. They're not your people.
Stories are one of the quickest ways to find your people. That's why when Marsha gets on consults and when they just feel so easy and fun, she knows they are her people. And that makes selling to them easier because she will just think, “Oh my gosh, we should work together.”
Learn more about the power of storytelling on Marsha’s website, as well as special videos and resources just for you podcast listeners at yesyesmarsha.com/bizpodcast.
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Podcast editing done by Eric Wellman